MONDAY, JULY 1ST
CITY OF X
POPULATION: 40,404



PART 1: ALL-HANDS MEETING


[ OFFICE BG ]
DOLORES: It’s far too early for this. I work from home, I go to bed at like 4am.
D: They know I just do bullshit tourism fluff pieces. I don’t need to be here for this meeting.
D: Whatever. Still need the job. Time to pretend to be a person.

[ DOLORES, SLEEPY, DISHEVELED, OFFICE CLOTHES ] Fades in from left
D: I think… yeah, no I’m a little hungover.
D: I would kill someone for some fucking breakfast…
A BRIGHT, CHEERY VOICE: Morning, Dolores!
[ Dolores grinds her teeth ]
D: You asked for it…

[ SHAY, WAVING, BRIGHT & CHEERY, OFFICE CLOTHES ] Fades in from right
SHAY: You look like death. Late night?
D: (Oh, thank God, it’s the intern… she’s gotta be the only person whose company I actually enjoy here.)
D: Hey Shay, just who I was hoping to see. Got anything to eat?
S: Well, see, I like you and all Dolores, but I don’t think I can part with this breakfast burrito, seeing as how they’re not paying me here…
S: But… they DO have a bunch of gross organic cookies in the kitchen, bottom left cabinet.
D: [ squints ] Hmmm, how gross are we talking…?
S: Well, they’ve been here since I started, and nobody’s touched ‘em. 
[ Dolores fades out left ]
[ Dolores reappears holding bag of cookies, eyes closed, smiling ]
D: Thanks for the intel, m’lady.
S: Ready for that all-hands meeting?
D: [ quizzical ] I am, but… why are you here?
S: [ looking up lackadaisically ] Honestly? I was just hoping they’d have bagels again.
D: How fortunate that you came doubly prepared.
[ They fade out. ]

[ OFFICE MEETING ROOM ]
D: (I hate these goddamn meetings. Yeah, our numbers are slipping… we write mealy-mouthed garbage!) 
[ BOSS, HANDS ON HIPS, PISSED ]
B: So, in light of Susan’s untimely departure, we’re gonna be shuffling some people around.
[ fades out left, dolores and shay fade in from right ]
[ Dolores, grimacing, eating from the bag of cookies ]
D: God, these ARE awful. I’ve had mulch with more profile than this.
S: What’d you expect, it says they’re paleo-friendly…
BOSS: AHEM.
Fades in.
B: “So as I was saying, Paul will be on city hall. Dolores here will be taking over restaurant reviews for the foreseeable future.
D: Are you KIDDING me? The fuck am I gonna say about the 5 fucking restaurants we’ve already-
B: City hall will still be there when we find somebody else. Assuming we ever do.
B: Now as I was saying, we’re still working on that pivot to video…
[ He fades out. ]

[ office bg ]
[ Dolores fuming ]
D: Fucking horseshit. First they throw me into entertainment, now this…
S: Didn’t you make a guillotine joke with that one state senator?
D: It was timely.
S: I mean, sure, but… they can’t take jokes.
D: Wouldn’t be a proper conservative if he could.
D: [ dolores looks at the bag of cookies ] Does this mean I have to review these?
S: No need… the company folded. I tried applying to them for an internship too, their website redirects to porn now.
D: Really? With this winning combination of… 20 billion active probiotic cultures of… Lactobacillus and… geez, I’m gonna get a UTI just trying to pronounce it.
S: And yet you ate the whole bag?!
D: Like I said… beggars can’t be choosers.

continued in part 2